Use Your Words...

originally written August 26th, 2006...It should be noted that shortly after this I dropped out of college with only 14 credit hours to go…I am yet to return…but I will!


I realize that major educational institutions, such as ASU, are riddled with red tape, and hoops on fire for jumping and what have you.

My re-entry into school has been filled with them.

When I intially decided to finish my degree I was under the impression that I had 14 credit hours or so to go. I made an appointment with my advisor. I was told that I had to reapply because I had been out for 1 year (two semesters, it was like I had taken a year off to backpack in Europe...I hadn't).

“no problem” I thought

I filled out the app, using my married name of X, citing on the form that ASU would most likely know me as Brice-Heames (my maiden name). I paid the $25.

I waited.

I called a week before school started and was told that readmittance had a backlog and I wouldn’t be admitted until just before the first day of school…but that I had this fee and could I pay it?

“no problem” I thought. gritting my teeth. (The fee is a whole other story. It’s the
mystery fee. for another time)

I paid the fee. I verified my address. I waited.

I recieved a letter and a certificate in the mail. CONGRATULATIONS! it said. congratulations Megan Brice-Heames incoming Freshman.

I stared at the letter. Freshman? How odd. I was under the impression that after 5 years at a school taking actual classes that I would be considered slightly higher in rank than a freshman.

But what do I know? I assumed it was a mistake.

The first day of classes I went to my advisors office. “I have to find out what classes I still need” I said. I didn’t even mention the freshman thing. 20 credit hours I was told.

what now?

Not only does my new advisor want to REMOVE credits that are ALREADY ON my transcripts, but she wants to require me to take a class that I am not, in fact, required to take.

WHAT NOW?!?!

I sighed heavily. I told my new advisor that I really and truly believed that she couldn’t just, you know, take credits away from me. She said she’d look it up. I told her not to bother. I would register for classes just as soon as she ok’d me to register.

But you see, said my new advisor, I can’t find your file.

I imagine that at that point I looked like I was going to murder her so she hurriedly assured me that it was no problem and she ok’d me to register. She told me if she couldn’t find my file she’d give me a call.

“no problem” I said.

I went to the very crowded computing commons to register posthaste for classes. But it wouldn’t let me log on to the computers. I went to the front desk. “Oh yeah” they said “you can’t get online here to register for classes or pay tuition until you register for classes and pay tuition. It’s, like a loophole”

not like a loophole you idiot. AN ACTUAL LOOPHOLE.

“no problem” I said, very quietly.

I decided to go to the financial aid office to verify that my FAFSA was all squared away and that the government would be paying for this debacle.

I stood in line for about 20 minutes. I texted with friends. I got to my lady. “Hello,” I said. “I need to take care of any financial aid snafus or anything”

"Can I get your social security number?"

“no problem” I said brightly

After a few minutes of asking me my name, verifying my name, asking my school ID, verifying my school ID, the woman asks me to wait.

“no problem? I hope.” I said

"I’ll be back."

SO I waited.

After 15 minutes the woman returned. ASU has the wrong social securtity number on file for me.

I sighed. "Are you serious?"

"yep off by one little number, but we can’t verify your financial aid until they verify your correct social."

awesome.

“no problem” I went downstairs to the Registrars office.

I told the woman behind the desk that ASU had f’ed up my social security number and did I REALLY need to bring in my Social Security card?

yep. sorry. and fill out this form.

“no problem” I said. But while I’m down here, can you let me know why I’m listed as a freshman, here on this, my certificate of admission?

SURE! they said brightly. What’s your ID number.

I rattled it off.

Well here’s the problem.

Finally! a quick answer!

What school did you transfer from?

what?

What school are you coming from?

None. Here. I’ve been at this hell hole for 5 godforsaken years. I didn’t transfer I re-applied.

Hang on.

“problem. PROBLEM!” I said semi-hysterically.

Turns out they couldn’t find my transcripts. Not the official ones. They said, take the social security change request form, go home, we’ll call you.

I said. I’m going to the FAC. Find my transcripts. I don’t care if you’re closing soon. DO. IT.

I got a call 30 minutes later.

SORRY! we found your transcripts. You’re really a senior!

no kidding.

The next day I went to the financial aid office. “Hi” I said “here’s my correct social, they have it all squared away downstairs”

Great! they told me. “We’ll call you when your status changes, we’re really sorry about the mistake”

“no problem” I said.

So I waited. I got my first bill for tuiton. A rather hefty sum of money. Luckily I have money from my grandmother so I can pay this fee.

I wait. I do my homework for classes I’m not fully registered for yet.

I go online this morning and lo and behold: my status has changed. and whaddya know? No one called me.

I have to track down my 1040 and turn it into the office. A “random” selection of students have to be verified. of course. OF COURSE. I was picked.

“no problem” I sighed.

After you bring in your 1040? It will be 3 weeks before we disburse to you.
awesome. Because of course it will.

When I finally get my degree I am having it framed. I spent WAY to much time trying to get it.

and p.s. I’m not taking her stupid required course.